"Though this be madness, yet there is method in't."

I can go back and forth from acting to actually feeling without even paying a toll.

Ter-ri-fy-ing.

But the best acting is realistic, so this might be a good strategy. I act to accommodate others. Altruism is just a philosophical term for people-pleasing. I’m always so concerned about my ratings; is everyone watching. Are they being entertained. I’M DOING IT RIGHT NOW.

If I could go from listening to a favor to a compliment to a thank you card to a – and just never think about me. I’m not selfless, I have a self ThankYouVeryMuch, but it’s in someone else’s safe deposit box. That’s the only place for it. I don’t have anywhere to put it. I make a good pet, unlike jack russell terriers, which are quite crazy even if you feed them, which is unfortunate because after Frasier became such a big hit, everyone went to buy one and then regretted it. But they’re animals, after all, they’re animals, we can’t expect them to act…

My heart is sick. And my mind just looks at him and snickers, “you pussy. go to work. go do something for someone.” He’s right and I hate him for it. I hate them both and I hate myself for letting them live with me. Why did I spend twenty minutes researching pastor gay sex scandals. You can’t keep it together you can’t keep it apart and you’re going to get off and it’s going to get out there and you’ll be gone baby gone or going going gone or going for broke and if you’d Just Get A Grip You’re Not God He Just Gave You A Chance. I will start crying or yawning, whichever happens first.

I can’t be what you want do you understand that? I can’t be what I think you want.

I’m making an appointment with Paige tomorrow. She massagewashes my head with shampoo that smells like tree excrement (it’s superb to the hundredth power) and then cuts my hair one section at a time and is comfortable with long silences and asks me what I’m reading right now.

5 thoughts on “"Though this be madness, yet there is method in't."

  1. Only you, my friend, could use the word ‘excrement’ in a complimentary simile.

    I was thinking the other day how funny it is that we discussed sex over Japanese food. Just that casually. While you evaded other questions. Which we’ll of course re-address one day! When you’re ready.

    In the meantime, lack of comments doesn’t mean you weren’t heard. Sometimes it takes time to absorb what you call ‘the crazy’ and what I call the genius.

    And I think you should be who you are.
    (Though I acknowledge the ‘its not that easy’ness of that concept.) x

  2. She sounds like a dream. My hair lady has a rat tail that she dyes purple or blue [depending on the day] and has furry teeth. She’s so white trash. I love it.

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