Upper & Lower

I call it my office. I don’t call it my bedroom. It’s not big enough for either.

My bed is lofted about 5’4″. If the Brewers decided to play baseball on the floor, the bed would be the nosebleed section. Upstairs I can hear the landlord and his lady pounding the keys of their sexual organs. My roommates bring their boyfriends home, shut their doors, and – gIGGle – shhhh – gIGGle – shhh.

God’s going to use my gonads for his glory, not for my gratification.

The conventional diagnosis for this is sexual frustration, but I prefer sexual circumvention – rerouting the passion for a more productive use.

I am a string figure in God’s hands. He knows that being in a relationship would distract me from being an artist, so he allowed Satan to make me selfish. He knows that without a struggle I would be without inspiration, so he allowed Satan to make me homosexual.

Today a co-worker held up a cable and said, “see? This is a male to male connection.” Inside, I was a studio audience, and Satan was Lucille Ball.

I laughed my ass off.

6 thoughts on “Upper & Lower

  1. You’re definitely an artist. (But I’m saying it in that annoying posh way – “arteeeest”)

    PS – Gypsy is probably my favourite song by her (/them) along with Sara. But to be honest, Stevie could sing “Row Row Row Your Boat” and it would be heavenly music to my ears.

  2. I’ve had moments like that – where you just randomly laugh at some tool or electrical component because of the sexual connotation.

    I wanted so badly to write about Good Friday and darling, the words have not yet flowed.

  3. This was one of my favorite posts yet. I re-read it to make sure I had sucked the marrow from it. (Please don’t victimize me with prose because I employed a metaphor with the word suck.)

  4. This post of yours reminded me of a quote from Madeleine L’engle’s book Walking on Water: “It is chastening to realize that those who have no physical flaw, who move through life in step with their peers, who are bright and beautiful, seldom become artists.”

    Sex is one of those things that is hard for most people to get right. At least you’re making the effort, which is more than a lot of people can say.

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