Friday, September 22, 2006

I used to be irritated when people would say things like,”God and I are on our second honeymoon.”  (Actually, no one’s ever said anything like that to me, but they’ve said similar things.) We’re usually irritated by things we don’t understand.

For the first time I am treating Him like a partner rather than a consultant.  I am realizing that faith is the gravy in a plastic plate without compartments – it should run into everything.  In general, I feel lighter than ever before.  He hasn’t changed.  But He has changed me.

At first the invitation was tempting: “Come dressed as your complete opposite!  Bring your favorite liquor!”  But the party approached, then passed.  I felt that if I went it would be like Patty Duke reprising her role in The Valley of the Dolls.  It was bad the first time around, why would it be any different the second?

What I mean is I’m just realizing (keep in mind my physical reflexes have always been faster than my mental ones) that this whole last year I’ve been playing my opposite, and badly. Why would I want to go through it again, at a party of all places?  For heaven’s sake, I may be an exhibitionist, but I’m not an entire gallery.

I came to New York and pretended I had no goals.  It was easier to fail.  Then I came to Wisconsin and realized I still had goals but had no clue of how to achieve them.  Then I came back to New York and gave them to Him.  And now He’s showing them to me, opening his fist one finger at a time, so I see just enough to move a little forward.

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